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Friday, July 9, 2010

Arbitor - #fridayflash



John Creemon was down in his basement listening to Workin’ Them Angels by Rush when he thought he heard something creeping up on him. The fourteen year old convinced himself that the noise was just the old house creaking. There it is again, he knew he heard it that time.
He turned around only to see the most terrifying beast imaginable. The pretty caressed armour shined in his eyes, the beast had four separate lips, it was nine feet tall, had four toes, six fingers, and was ugly as hell.
It seemed to pull out some sort of formed hand grip. It flipped its wrist and the grip quickly seemed to form a type of blue sword filled with energy with two tips and nothing between.
“Holy S**t!” was all John could say. The beast darted towards him, slashing and stabbing. John could only think of his pocket knife. He pulled it out FAST. John dodged yet another stab, Snuck up behind the beast, jumped on his back and managed to stab him in the left side of the beasts throat.
The best let out a roar so bone chilling John noticed his Xbox Vibrate. The beast pulled him off his back and held him by the throat.
“You will die.” The beast said in a cold, hard voice.
John grabbed the knife and Stabbed the beast where no armour was.
The beast finally dropped.
“You are one ugly son of a Bitch.”

23 comments:

  1. Your first #fridayflash! How amazing and awesome. And so well written! I particularly liked this: "The pretty caressed armour shined in his eyes." Well done! Congratulations Gus, and welcome to #fridayflash!
    Love, Mom!

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  2. That was a fun read. Welcome to #fridayflash.
    ~jon

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  3. What fun! That's a lot of action in a few words. Well done, and welcome to #fridayflash. :)

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  4. Whoa! Action there. Get that big ol' whatever it is...welcome man!

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  5. Great first #FridayFlash! I hope you will continue to participate :-)
    ~2

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  6. Great action! Welcome to #FridayFlash! :)

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  7. The action hooked me straight away, great writing.

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  8. That's a great debut to #fridayflash, Gusie. That was pretty good action with John jumping on the back of the beast.

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  9. "the grip quickly seemed to form a type of blue sword filled with energy with two tips and nothing between." -- awesome!
    Some great imagination here.
    Welcome to #fridayflash, I hope you'll stay a while!

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  10. Wow, that 14 year old was quite the hero! You really write description quite well. Well done!

    And welcome to #fridayflash. :)

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  11. So, I'm not commenting because your mom suggested to on her blog. I'm commenting because your short story is really, really, good! You have a definite talent for writing. I don't belong to your mom's #fridayflash group (couldn't write my way out of wet paper bag) but you certainly are of that caliber. Good on you!
    Because your description of the beast was well done, when reading the part "You will die", the beast said in a cold, hard voice .. I totally heard Darth Vader in my head. And the line 'The pretty caressed armour shined in his eyes' terrific description.
    You've got talent!

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  12. Your first flash? Yea! That's so exciting!

    It looks like writer's chops run in your family. ;)

    Well, done! :D

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  13. Great pacing & action! I see thriller writing in your future. Congrats on your first #fridayflash and keep writing! :-)

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  14. Cathy - your boy used cuss words. Take his X-box away as punishment!

    Seriously this is a great story. Welcome to the community Gus

    marc nash

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  15. Awesome story. Great descriptions and totally credible fight scene. Welcome to #fridayflash!

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  16. Ah... nice one, brother. Love the brevity of it. Welcome to the club.

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  17. I've heard noises that I thought were caused by the creaking house. I'm sure glad this didn't happen to me! I'll be thinking about your story the next time I hear late night creaks. Your description of the creature was horrifying. Great job, Gus, and welcome to #fridayflash.

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  18. Well done and welcome to #fridayflash!

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  19. Welcome to #fridayflash! Good little action scene you have there. Nicely done!

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  20. AWSOME.. that was a great read Angus. What a surprise it must have been for him to turn and encounter a beast like that. I am glad to have good win over evil. I'd enjoy reading more adventures with John Creemon as the hero.

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  21. Cool and action filled piece of flash! Welcome to #fridayflash. :)

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  22. Well, that's an action-packed tale. Thanks Angus.

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